A gentle, honest guide for new moms who already have enough on their plate
Becoming a mother is one of the biggest transitions you will ever go through. It’s emotional, messy, magical, exhausting, terrifying, and heart-melting — all in the same day. One minute you’re staring at your baby in pure awe, and the next minute you’re wondering when you last ate, slept, or even brushed your hair.
And in the middle of all this, everyone seems to have an opinion:
“Do this.”
“Don’t do that.”
“You should be doing more.”
“You should rest.”
“You should be enjoying every second.”
It’s a lot. Too much, sometimes.
So instead of handing you another list of things you need to do, here’s a list of things you absolutely do NOT need to do after having a baby. A list full of permission — to go slow, to breathe, to be human.
1. Don’t Try to “Bounce Back”
Let’s get this one out of the way first, because society shoves it in your face as soon as the baby is born — sometimes even before.
You do not need to bounce back.
Not physically, not emotionally, not mentally.
Your body just created an entire human being from scratch.
It expanded, stretched, carried, nourished, and delivered life. That is extraordinary. It deserves respect, not pressure.
You don’t need:
- your old jeans
- your old routine
- your old productivity
- your old level of energy
You need rest.
You need patience.
You need softness.
You need time.
Healing is not a race. You’re not going backward — you’re becoming someone new.
2. Don’t Feel Like You Have to Entertain Visitors
People love babies. And many will want to come see your little one as soon as possible. Their excitement is sweet, but your wellbeing comes first.
You don’t owe anyone access to your home or your baby — not even family.
If you’re tired, if you’re bleeding, if you’re overwhelmed, if you’re not emotionally ready…
you can say:
- “Not today.”
- “We’re resting.”
- “We’ll let you know when we’re ready.”
Protect your peace.
This is your postpartum, not a public event.
Let people come when you decide — and only if it feels right.
3. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Moms (Especially Online)
Nothing steals joy faster than comparison.
And postpartum comparison is the worst kind:
- “She already looks like herself again.”
- “Her baby sleeps through the night.”
- “She seems so calm.”
- “She’s breastfeeding perfectly.”
- “Her house is spotless.”
Here’s the truth:
What you see on social media is curated, filtered, staged, and often unrealistic.
Behind every “perfect” mom picture, there are struggles you don’t see.
Behind every calm smile, there might be tears from the night before.
Everyone has their own journey — and yours is uniquely yours.
Trust your pace.
Trust your instincts.
Trust your process.
You’re doing better than you think.
4. Don’t Ignore Your Mental Health
Postpartum hormones are powerful — and unpredictable.
Some days you’ll feel peaceful and glowing.
Other days, you may feel:
- anxious
- overwhelmed
- disconnected
- sad
- irritated
- exhausted
This is normal — but when it becomes too heavy, too constant, or too dark, it’s important to reach out.
Talking to someone does not make you weak. It makes you brave.
Whether it’s your partner, a friend, your midwife, or a professional — opening up is the first step toward feeling better.
Postpartum depression and anxiety are real, common, and treatable.
You deserve help, love, and support.
5. Don’t Try to Do Everything Yourself
Motherhood comes with this invisible expectation that you should “handle it all.”
But here’s the truth:
You were never meant to do motherhood alone.
If someone offers help:
- say yes
- say yes again
- say yes without apologizing
Let someone bring food.
Let someone do your dishes.
Let someone fold laundry.
Let someone hold the baby while you shower or nap.
Asking for help does not mean you’re failing — it means you’re human.
This season is not about proving your strength.
It’s about protecting your energy.
6. Don’t Rush the Bonding Process
Some moms fall in love instantly.
Some feel a slow, gentle connection grow day by day.
Both are normal.
Birth is overwhelming — physically, emotionally, hormonally.
Sometimes it takes time to feel fully bonded, and that does not make you a bad mother.
Bonding doesn’t come from perfection.
It comes from presence:
- feeding
- holding
- soothing
- staring at their tiny toes
- the smell of their head
- the long nights together
Love grows.
And it grows beautifully.
Give yourself grace.
Give your heart time.
7. Don’t Neglect Your Own Basic Needs
This sounds obvious — but once the baby is here, your own needs fall to the bottom of the list.
So here’s your reminder:
You need to eat.
You need to drink water.
You need to sleep (even in little pieces).
You need a moment to breathe.
You need a shower.
You need sunlight.
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Try checking in with yourself a few times a day:
- Have I eaten something real?
- Have I had enough water?
- Have I rested, even 10 minutes?
- Am I being too hard on myself?
You matter just as much as your baby.
8. Don’t Obsess Over a Perfect Routine
There will be time for routines later.
Newborn life is unpredictable and messy — and no schedule survives a growth spurt, gas, cluster feeding, or a night where the baby decides they hate sleep forever.
Right now:
- stay flexible
- follow your baby’s rhythm
- rest when you can
- let go of the pressure
- allow yourself to “just survive” some days
You don’t need a perfect routine — you need compassion.
Slowly, things will fall into place.
But not in the first week, and maybe not even the first month.
9. Don’t Forget: You Are Still You
Motherhood is beautiful — but it can also feel like you’ve lost pieces of yourself.
And that’s okay.
You’re not disappearing — you’re evolving.
You’re allowed to miss:
- your old body
- your old energy
- your old freedom
- your old hobbies
- your old identity
Missing your old self doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby.
It means you’re human.
As time passes, you will slowly reconnect with yourself —
sometimes in new ways you never expected.
Give yourself permission to be a mother and a woman.
Both versions of you matter.
Both deserve space.
Final Thoughts: You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Becoming a mom is not a test you need to pass.
There is no perfect way.
No perfect routine.
No perfect recovery.
Just love.
Presence.
Patience.
And tiny steps through each new day.
You don’t need to “bounce back.”
You don’t need to impress anyone.
You don’t need to have it all together.
You just need to take care of yourself and your baby — in your own way, at your own pace.
You’re doing an incredible job.
Even on the days you don’t feel like it.
